Got friends dropping by for afternoon tea and don’t have anything to serve? Well here’s a recipe for seafood hor d’ouvres that takes literally seconds to make, but looks like you put loads of effort into it.

Ingredients

• Seafood highlighter/crab stick (whatever you call it)
• Smoked salmon
• Mayonnaise
• Parsley
• Mini toast

Method:

Don’t mind too much about the portions, just don’t overdo it with the mayo – the point is to be quick and measuring takes too much time. Throw everything into a food processor and whizz for a few seconds until you get a roughly chopped mixture. It should be sticky enough to hold together but not so much that it’s wet (if so you’ve used too much mayo).

Spoon onto mini toast, bung it onto a nice plate, and serve.

Voilà!

This is probably a very silly post, but I’m in a silly mood. I had KFC for lunch yesterday (maybe that’s why), and was struck by how insidious the menu is at the Carlingford branch – if you actually want to have their chicken and not a burger, you can either choose from the ~$3 snack options, or else you have to order a ~$10 combo box that could easily feed 2-3 people. I couldn’t see any other “in between” options (nor most of the other options listed on their Web site menu). I would’ve been happy with a piece of chicken and some chips, but ended up getting the “All-stars” box containing:

• A piece of original recipe chicken
• 2 hot-and-spicy wicked wings
• A crispy strip
• Popcorn chicken
• Chips
• Potato and gravy
• A bread roll
• A can of soft drink

Now I’ve probably got you salivating, and you’re going to go out and get KFC aren’t you? Well if you are, or you tend to eat junk food anyway, try to keep the following three things in mind to minimise the damage to your health:

• Avoid drinking the cold drink that comes with the meal. There’s a rumour that drinking cold beverages will make the fat content of the meal congeal in your stomach, making it harder to digest. It could be Asian propaganda, since we like to have hot (Chinese) tea with our meals so I can’t guarantee that there is any scientific basis to the claim, but it does seem at least a little bit plausible. Plus, having less sugary fizzy drink never hurt anybody.
• Don’t eat everything – a few months ago I ordered a $5 meal at Macdonalds which included a cheeseburger, fries, soft serve and a drink. The Asian in me who was raised not to waste anything felt compelled to finish every last morsel, but after 2 spoonfuls of the slop that was being passed off as iced confectionery, and a couple of sips of the drink to wash down the limp, dry burger, I chucked the rest away (except the fries, of course… who can resist those salty fatty stalks of fried deliciousness?)
• Don’t super-size me, ‘coz although I could get the large coke and fries for only $1 extra, not carrying around  the extra weight of the coin is denying me precious exercise. Hehe… just kidding. Seriously though, just because it’s better value doesn’t mean that it’s better.

Isn’t it funny how fast food punishes fiscally responsible behaviour – as in getting better value-for-money – is more detrimental to your health? But man, if they ever open up a Cafe de Coral (大家樂) here in Australia, I’d be a lost cause.

For no reason at all, here’s a cool picture I found:

I couldn’t find the source of the image to give credit, but if it’s yours please let me know.

An interesting piece of trivia: what is the only food that doesn’t spoil? Answer: Honey.

The reason for this is the high sugar and low moisture content, which means that organisms (which depend on moisture) cannot survive and multiply. Hence, stored under the right conditions – i.e. sealed away from moisture – honey will last indefinitely. An often cited example is the honey that was found in sealed jars in Egyptian tombs, which were found to be edible.

Unfortunately, other foods are less hardy. Regardless of how sophisticated the packaging, most of the packaged food that you’ll come across will have a designated serviceable lifespan as denoted by either a “best-before” or “use-by” date. Despite their similarity, these two labels actually have quite different meanings as defined in a Food Standards Code.

Products that have a shelf life of less than 2 years must include a “best-before date” somewhere on its packaging. The definition stated in the code:

Best-before date – in relation to a package of food, means the date which signifies the end of the period during which the intact package of food, if stored in accordance with any stated storage conditions, will remain fully marketable and will retain any specific qualities for which express or implied claims have been made.

You’ll often find that in supermarkets, food items that are approaching their best-before date will be heavily marked down. The misinformed often avoid these, thinking that it means the food is about to go off, but the truth is that it is still perfectly safe for consumption, just that it may not meet the level of standard specified in the product description.

It’s illegal to sell food past the best-before date regardless of its condition, so the shops are obliged to throw stock away regularly. In protest against the consumerism of modern society, and with environmental concerns, there are people calling themselves freegans who “rescue” this food from the supermarket bins. Waste not, want not. Plus, it’s free food!

Certain foods however, deteriorate and become unsafe to eat after a certain period of time. These must include a “use-by date” by which the food must be consumed.

Use-by date – in relation to a package of food, means the date which signifies the end of the estimated period if stored in accordance with any stated storage conditions, after which the intact package of food should not be consumed because of health and safety reasons.

It’s also illegal to sell food that’s past its use-by date, but one would be ill-advised to try and salvage here.

There are two exceptions to the above: bread may use a “baked-on date” instead if it has a shelf life of less than a week – maybe it’s generally assumed that people know bread goes moldy quickly (and that eating moldy bread is bad); and individually packaged ice-cream and food “in a small package” (presumably lollies and the like) – no explanation is given so one can only guess at the reasons (possibly because they’re sold in bulk, and the date is included on the container?)

For the health of both your body and your bank balance, keep the distinction between “best-before” and “use-by” in mind. Savvy shoppers who are familiar with product expiry dates and the supermarket discounting cycles can save heaps on groceries, without having to worry about the risk of food poisoning.

When it comes to cooking, I mainly look to fill my stomach in the quickest time possible – I ain’t getting all pro and fancy like some people :-) Especially when I come home after work tired and hungry, I prefer it quick and easy, like this recipe for tomato and egg fried rice. The good thing about this one is that instead of using tomato sauce like the version you’ll find in restaurants, this one uses real tomatoes, which helps in my quest to keep processed food out of my diet.

Ingredients:

• 2 eggs, beaten
• 3 cups cooked rice
• 3 tomatos, chopped
• 3 stalks of spring onion, minced
• 2 tbsp oil
• Soy sauce and ground black pepper to taste

Method:

Use 1 tbsp of the oil to fry the egg until it’s *just* cooked, then put it aside. Using the other tablespoon of oil, fry the minced spring onion on high heat for a few seconds, add the tomato, and continue frying for another minute or so. Add the rice and egg, separating the clumps so that everything is well mixed. Last, season with soy sauce and black pepper and continue to fry until the the rice is heated right through.

Variations:

• If you find the taste too bland, you can throw in some chopped smoked ham, which goes very nicely.
• In the pictured version, I’ve used a 50-50 mix of white and brown rice. Brown rice is better for you, but it is harder to palette if you’re used to plain white rice.

There’s really no help for it. A pie is definitely much nicer cooked in an oven than in a microwave, but sometimes – like at work – there’s isn’t any alternative. When I’m too lazy to pack lunch I’ll just take a frozen pie to work, and through several months of crappy pies I’ve come up this simple method to make sure that the delicious bundle of meat sauce wrapped in pastry is both heated through, and at least a little bit crisp and not totally soggy.

What you’ll need:

• A frozen pie. I haven’t tried this with a defrosted pie so I can’t tell you what effect that might have, but I’m pretty sure this only works if it’s frozen.
• A plastic container, e.g. a takeaway box (I use a Decor Tellfresh 500mL square container which costs around $5 and is perfect for the job. Plus it’s good for sandwiches too.)
• Good quality, absorbant paper towel (the more absorbant the better. Don’t use tissues, they’ll stick to the pastry).

Method:

• Line the plastic container with paper towel, with a few extra layers along the bottom (folding 2 squares into quarters generally does the trick).
• Place the pie upside-down into the container.
• Put more paper towel on top of the pie, and then put the lid on slightly (don’t click into place, or else it will pop off as the pie warms up and the container deforms from the heat and pressure.
• Microwave on full power for about 3 – 3.5 minutes (depending on your microwave).
• Unwrap your pie, let stand for a minute, add sauce, and eat carefully – there is SCORCHING HOT MEATY MAGMA inside!

If everything went according to plan, the paper towel will have absorbed most of the moisture, and the pastry should be acceptably dry and slightly crispy. It won’t beat heating in the oven, although if you have access to one then this technique is also fantastic for heating up your pie quickly – just bung it in the oven for 5 mins after microwaving for even crispier pastry. Note: sometimes, the pie’s contents will leak if the lid wasn’t attached to the base properly.

Now the only question that remains is: how to eat your pie. I’m in favour of eating the pie whole, from the side (see picture). Jenny prefers eating hers upside-down, using a knife-and-fork to dig into the base, leaving the delicious lid ’til last. What’s your style?